Big, Bold Courage for a Brand New Day!

Big, Bold Courage for a Brand New Day!


"When we have the courage to live, we find joy, for joy is the emotional expression of the courageous Yes to one's own true being."  Gordon Smith

I am writing today from a beautiful place called the Dreamgiver's Inn.  Isn't that a great name? Nestled one mile off Wilsonville Road, the Inn sits gorgeously on green hills; I can see Mt. Hood clearly.  I am preparing for a retreat next weekend and just had a strong desire to connect with you about what God has given me.

Here's the question: What is holding you back from doing all you had in mind?  It's a question I've been asking myself for some time and working through this material is helping me answer it honestly.  Because we're each created so uniquely, what we have in mind to do and what's holding us back may not look the same at all!

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients the last 12 weeks of their lives.  She recorded their dying epiphanies and writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives.  When questioned about any regrets they had, common themes surfaced again and again.  Here are the top five regrets as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, and not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I'd had let myself be happier.

You can read more of her writings on her blog called Inspiration and Chai.  But I was struck by the fact that the word "courage" was used twice in these statements.  We long for more courage, don't we?

Courage can mean, "eager to do what is in one's mind or thoughts." Sometimes we need courage to face another day because of great loss, lack of confidence, deep anxiety, or unwanted circumstances. Other times we need courage to face that person, change our daily habits, or spend more time with people who matter most.

In Joshua 14:6-15, Caleb is asking for his most difficult job to date!   Eighty-five-year old Caleb wastes no time on nostalgia or regret.  Joshua and Caleb lost 45 years of abundant living because of the Israelites’ unbelief.  Yet, according to this passage – Caleb is still the whole-hearted man following hard after God.  Remember Caleb’s response when the other spies said “we can’t do it?” He and Joshua cried out and tore their clothes.  No holding back true feelings for Joshua and Caleb; they expressed their deep disappointment.  However, these men had the courage to live the next 45 years true to God and themselves and by doing so, could confidently say, "I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous" (v. 11).

Brad and I were talking about this passage a few days ago; ironically, we are both preaching on Caleb this week.  We wondered what Caleb's daily life looked like during the years of wandering.

(any ideas?)

What did whole-heartedness look like, sound like, feel like for Caleb when he was surrounded by a complaining and disbelieving people?

Whatever held him back from doing all he had in mind to do was no longer in his way.  On that brand new day in verse 6, Caleb approached Joshua with four Spirit-planted, Spirit-grown qualities that I long for:

Boldness
Courage
Conviction
Encouragement

What holds you back from doing all you had in mind to do?  This is what I'm asking myself this week.

I pray for you by name throughout the month.  Feel free to drop me an email if you need courage for something specific!  Thank you for always praying the same for me when I ask!

Leading With Conviction

Approaching the God I love and know

Remembering what He said long ago

Old enough to hear, “servant, go!”

Young enough to explore land, return with show

Convinced of all my eyes could see

Firm understanding of strong and weak

I spoke from my convictions

Hearing the words fall from their hearts

Melting with fear those in the dark

Many from there I did part

When I spoke from my convictions

“It’s yours, fully persuaded one,”

I heard from the Holy One.

“The inheritance is yours to come

For your children not yet born

Because you spoke from your convictions.”

Days and years later am I

Fully convinced as then

With a certain can do possession

Young enough to hear, “servant, go!”

Old enough to start the show

As I speak from my convictions

Bless me Boldly, God I love

Give me Hebron as I’ve longed

Whole heart I follow hard after you

As I speak from my convictions

CONVICTION: A firmly held belief.  The quality of showing that one is firmly convinced of what one believes or says.  From the Latin: convincere.

Facing Reality

Facing Reality

As I watched my 13 year old daughter fall on her knees, head in hands, I sprinted onto the basketball court in three seconds flat.  Blood poured out her nose and mouth while my eyes never left her face wondering where she was hit.  Walking her off the court with my arms wrapped around her, I stayed behind her in case she fell backwards.  Ashen, dizzy and light headed, Annalise was not able to speak much.  Another player’s head had slammed her nose and face while they were playing basketball.  

Game Over for my daughter.

At the doctor’s office we wanted to know one thing.  Was her nose broken?  Her nose is what all of us could see and it was slightly swollen and stuffed up, blocking air flow.  Methodically, the doctor asked questions taking in as much information as she could before the actual examination.  Feeling a bit impatient, I asked aloud if her nose was broken or not.  If not, that’s great because the next day was the basketball tournament and Annalise was one of her team’s defender.  I was feeling confident that the doctor would sign the necessary paperwork for her to play. 

After all, this was a temporary, even minor sports injury, right?

Her nose was not broken and, in fact, she had sustained a concussion.  Not only was playing in the tournament out of the question, her brain needed complete rest.  According to the doctor, complete resting of the brain meant no reading, no texting, no television, no activity.  But aren’t those non-activities? I inquired, as I eyed a sullen Annalise across the examining room. Her face reflected one who just received the news that she could not do what she so passionately desired.

Moved by compassion, I started formulating a plan so she could play.  In the middle of my scheming, the doctor explained that even taking in information stresses the brain and causes it to swell. 

What is unseen to us needs to be left alone so it can renew. 

I removed my attention from what I could see to what I couldn’t see.

Resting her brain served one reason – it was best for her.  I stopped my conniving wheels from turning and accepted the reality of what I could not see.

~

Second Corinthians 4:16-18 (amp.) encourages us in three things that are best for us:

1)   Don’t become discouraged, weary or exhausted because your body is wasting away:  Your inner self is being renewed day after day.

2)   This slight, temporary distress and pain will pass: It’s preparing and achieving for you something glorious beyond anything we can measure!

3)   Look to the things that are unseen: They are invisible, deathless and everlasting.

When I stop taking in information all day long and let my brain rest, I daydream a little and memories come to the forefront.  As my imagination wraps around an old memory, it creates a connection to my present thoughts and circumstances.  It’s a heaven and earth intersection, and I experience eternity, I live in the invisible realm. Being all lit up with the present renews my brain and ultimately my spirit.

After the basketball tournament the next night, I talked to Annalise about how she was feeling.  It was hard for her to admit but not playing was much harder than she had imagined. Watching the game made her want to play all the more.  She ached to be fully alive on the court. Wordless, I just sat with her.  What we could see with our human eyes was that she just missed an awesome basketball game.  What we couldn’t see, what was eternal was her inner self being renewed giving her more passion beyond what she had the day before!  It’s something that cannot be calculated.

How about you?  What makes you aware that your inner self is being renewed day after day?

Belonging To God

“Pam!!!  Tennis is not an aggressive game!  It’s a graceful game,” Bellowed Neal from the other side of the court.

I was taking tennis lessons with a group of 10 women.  I loved it and I wanted to do well.  It was challenging to pay attention with a group of friends who I wanted to talk to; it was challenging to improve my skills.  On the first day, I discovered I was on the B team.  It was humbling and I accepted my position – I learned a lot from the guidelines:

·      Tennis is a gentle sport

·      Keep moving your feet

·      Wait for the ball to hit the dead zone

·      Swing all the way through

·      Use your left hand to guide how you will hit the ball

·      Tennis is a graceful sport, not an aggressive sport

·      Start over with every swing 

Taking tennis lessons reminded me of the Ten thousand hour rule from Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers.  His principle asserted that champions who excelled at one given skill, job or sport consistently logged 10,000 hours of practice time.  I was a long way from 10,000 hours of practicing tennis!  But what was clear was how much I improved playing tennis when I played the right way.

The game of tennis became a lesson in life to me.  Less aggression – more grace – pauses and positioning myself, less charging forward with all my might.  What would my relationships look like if I consistently logged 10,000 of practicing belonging to God? In other words, if I cried out to God first when I recognized the pain, instead of pushing through life, would it make a difference in my relationships?

During those few weeks of tennis, I realized that it really wasn’t about winning the game.  Rather, the enjoyment came each time that ball was shot into my court.  I had decisions to make, to remake, to make again, to improve and to get it.  With a few accurate instructions, I was so happy!  I’m still not good enough to play my husband and his friends, but I could not get over how those lessons given personally and consistently took me to the next level.

The instructions that monumentally impacted my game were the ones given personally to me from the instructor – even while I was still practicing my strokes with the other players, I left each day knowing what I needed to do.  And those instructions, that certainty, were gifts to me.  When I put them into practice the next day – the other players noticed that I had improved.  And I noticed how much each one of them improved.  The decisions about how tennis should be played were decided a long time ago.  I moved into the room of decision when I accepted that the game of tennis was established and guidelines put in place so the game could be played a certain way.  Simply, when I followed instructions, my tennis improved.

I was young when I moved into the room of decision and accepted that I was on my own in life.  Within five years of my family of origin falling apart, many of my extended family members died early from health problems.  As a teenager, I lived with my father and brother in our family home in Mount Laurel, New Jersey.  By the age of 14, I went from being surrounded by my mother’s Jewish relatives and my father’s Catholic relatives to having no one around.  It was abrupt.  As a young girl, I was close my parents but for health reasons and marital problems, my mom moved out of our house and my father moved into himself.  I was, emotionally speaking, on my own. Even in the middle of community, school and church life, when the people closest to me were unable to give – I felt lost and abandoned.

My teen age spirit knew something then but could only put into words as a much more whole adult:  I cannot rely on anyone else to be there for me at this level.   I resolved to not burden others.  Little did I realize the decisions I was making would impact my future in life and in relationships.  Later, when I was living in healthy close relationships, I would see that I didn’t have to stop receiving from others.  Belonging to Him came with benefits that He wants to give me.

 Christ has given personal instructions for me based on decisions He made in the past.  Yet, the prerequisite before I could receive the Five Unfailing Gifts of love is this:

·      His hands made me and formed me (Psalm 139; Psalm 119: 73). 

·      Like the Psalmist, I needed to decide that “The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me. . .  and He will not abandon the works of His hands (Psalm 138:8 ). 

·      Or in my times of searing pain I needed Job’s decisive spirit that asks, “If your hands shaped me and made me, will you now turn and destroy me?” 

·      In this room of new decisions, we mortals are not more pure than our Maker and I needed to practice Belonging to God.

Why would I resist decisions made by Someone like that?

I resist because I am distracted.

What I am distracted from is hearing that I belong to God!   I am distracted from hearing this every day. 

I can still hear the faint voices of our tennis team on those crisp summer mornings . . .  “it’s a gentle sport. . . . wait, wait, wait. . . .all the way through . . . use your left hand to guide. . .  start over . . .”  Those instructions, repeated over and over, were reminders to me that I was playing tennis; those instructions refocused me on the courts and I remembered where I belonged at that moment.

Wrestling With Forgiveness

Wrestling With Forgiveness

An email from my doctor read, “You have an enlarged heart wall and extra electricity . . . this could be from damage to your heart  . . .  or. . .”  Immediately, my mind raced and my heart raced faster causing me to lose an entire night’s sleep!

A few days earlier, my doctor expressed concern for my slightly high blood pressure.  “How could this be?” I asked.  “I exercise regularly and I try to eat fairly well.” She ordered an EKG with a follow up stress test to see if I had any signs of heart disease.

The above test results of the EKG showed up in my email box two nights before I was to speak to a group of college students.  The topic?  Perfect Peace!  With every ounce of will power, I recalled Scriptures about anxiety, trust and health.  In my heavy breathing prayers, I even accepted God’s sovereign rule that I could have a health issue.  But nothing could slow down my beating, anxious heart.

As I retrieved my notes for my talk, I prayed with my intercessor and tears stung my eyes as my physical heart danced wildly inside my chest ~ as if it was expressing something to me ~ making me appreciate its constant and faithful service to me all these 43 years.

Although I was desperate to call my doctor first thing that Monday morning, I could not because the chapel talk was scheduled. The call would have to wait until after lunch.  Moments before I started to speak, I whispered a prayer offering God my body, my mouth, my anxious thoughts. Suddenly, when I opened my mouth to deliver my talk on Perfect Peace, my heart slowed down to a normal rhythm.  Isaiah 26:3 tumbled from my lips: “You will keep in perfect peace him (and her) whose mind is steadfast, because (she) trusts in you.”  

I taught for a few moments from Acts 12 when Peter was asleep in prison on the eve of his persecution.  And I embodied peace.  Miraculous, I thought.  Even with my heart acting somewhat normal, I still had lingering thoughts and real concerns about what the stress test could reveal.  Perfect peace?  Not quite yet.

A few weeks later, I did indeed show up for a stress test.  My blood pressure was so high that the nurse in charge asked if I was anxious about the test.  “I don’t think so . . . but what if something is wrong with my heart? Can I speak to a cardiologist right away?”  I wanted, more than anything, to speak to an expert.

Within 12 hours of the stress test, I received another note from my doctor announcing that my heart is in excellent condition; she noted that I should rest more in between my activities to see if that lowers my blood pressure.

And with that email, in that moment, my mind and my spirit knew (fully convinced) that my heart was good and my breathing leveled out.

What does this have to do with forgiveness?  Why am I writing this to the leadership within you?  My point is twofold:  Scripture spoken aloud to one person or 1000 people restores the soul.  And, second, we need to wrestle truth to the ground until we have the answers we need, in hand, from the Expert.

As the beating of my heart and the pressure of my blood are foundational, even basic, to my overall heath, so is forgiveness the basic foundation to our spiritual health.   You and I check our hearts and blood pressure regularly but why do we ignore our forgiveness capacity?

Women in leadership have been hurt and will continue to experience pressures, stresses and injustices that men do not.  It is what it is.  However, just as Jacob wrestled God all night long asking for a blessing, so must we wrestle with forgiveness as long as it takes so we won’t depend on deceit or scheming to receive the blessings God has prepared for us! 

But a wrestling it is ~ when I succumbed to the stress test, examining the true condition of my heart ~ I was running fast on a treadmill with wires strapped wildly on my mid-section.  Three nurses surrounded me, vital statistics flashing, sweat forming on my body: the only way we could get an accurate reading of my heart was when my body was maxed out to its capacity.  The only way we can lead others with healing is by maxing out our spirits in full forgiveness.  We must wrestle with God through the night hours, not letting the sins of bitterness and grudges overtake us.  We must hold on until God responds and spares us, giving us another day, another 24 hours to rejoice and lead with full forgiveness as our foundation, pumping fresh blood and life into our cells.

Who do you need to forgive in this day and are you willing to struggle with God until the blessing of forgiveness is yours?

Let’s talk about this issue

1)   How might you depend on deceit and schemes when someone offends you?

2)   What does it look like to receive forgiveness?

3)   In the story of Jacob and Esau, how do you think Esau could forgive Jacob?

4)   When does unforgiveness impact your capacity to lead others?

Eye-2-I AM Contact

Eye-2-I AM Contact

Today I am distracted and I must ask Jesus to teach me how to stay focused on one thing at a time.  The most frustrating thing about distraction is the draining of mental, emotional and physical energy, just as air leaks slowly from a tire and over time becomes useless.  That is why Christ, hours before his arrest, commanded his disciples to "be on your guard, watch, give strict attention, be cautious and alert" (Mark 13: 33 and 35, amp.).  

There are levels of distraction that translate to spiritual focus.  The ordinary woman is distracted simply because she is alive on this side of eternity.  She suffers from human nature.  She is distracted because she is normal!  And this can happen without anyone else involved.  Another level of distraction happens because we are in relationship with others.  This distraction comes because we care: a mother for her child, a medical professional for her patient, an administrator making a decision that affects hundreds of people.  It would be unnatural NOT to be distracted by the existence of others.  A third kind of distraction includes the second one but goes beyond -- it is the distraction of the call -- this is the kind of distraction Jesus experienced on this earth.

Jesus didn't get distracted by human or Divine nature, he emptied himself and took on the guise of a servant (Philippians 2).  Yet, even in that position, Christ still boldly approached his Father in heaven for what he specifically needed. Like Nehemiah the cupbearer, who stayed focused on rebuilding the wall (Nehemiah 1:11), he needed eye to eye contact with the King.  That is why as a woman in leadership, I must pause in the middle of what I am about to do, position myself before my King and give him my full attention -- turning my most pressing need into a purpose.  I must not deny myself the discipline of eye to I AM contact, for that would be the denial of undivided attention.  I must cooperate with the discipline of eye contact with my King  as mental and emotional anguish come from not knowing the Holy Spirit's leading.  Jesus' eyes are on the Father's and so must mine be.  But I cannot maintain eye contact alone.  I can only do it through Christ who gives me access to what he so boldly initiated.

" . . . As the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he shows us his mercy."  Psalm 123:2b

Patterns and Revelations

Patterns and Revelations

"Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind?" Job 38:36

I live in a culture that has multiplied my choices.  How thankful I am for the freedom to choose. But what comes with so many choices is the temptation to not move into the Room of Decision!  The difference between my decision making now and before I trusted Christ, is the difference between the natural and the supernatural.  When I chose to follow Christ, I chose to give up my old self; now I must keep choosing to give up my sin so I can be my best for Him.

Making decisions as a Christian, is learning to pattern the routine of my life like Jesus patterned his ways after God's (John 5:17).  In fact, Jesus said, " . . .whatever the Father does, the Son also does (v. 19). Jesus was always Watching God.

I must settle once and for all that as a Christian, I live by revelation.  To rely soley on human reasoning pressures me to be clever and competitive.  That is why God commands me to "fix your thoughts on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1).  The word, "fix" in the Greek means to think, observe, to consider.  A related word means to "discern."  So a better way to say it to myself is, "Teach your thoughts to think on Jesus!"  Fixing my eyes on Jesus teaches me how to Wait for God.  I love the Psalmist's words, "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret" (37:7); Waiting patiently, I can dance, I can sing, I can find a pattern that I repeat that helps me swirl down in his presence.  

A third part of living by revelation is to remember that I need insight or understanding to distinguish between right and wrong.  As a woman who has leadership within her, I also need understanding to distinguish between better and superior.  It might be good to take on a new responsibility, but is it what's best?  I might perceive with my senses that I can handle that extra request or opportunity, but my senses do not ensure understanding (Daniel 12:8).  Conversely, when I live by revelation, the Spirit could lead me to say "yes" to someone or to something that my imagination could not perceive!  That's the wonder of God working in my life! As my thoughts are fixed on the Radiance of God's glory, Jesus, I cannot help but have reverence in my heart because the Holy Spirit speaks to my spirit! And I learn to work with the Wonder of his ways.

 As I create patterns in my life to watch and wait for God, he gives me the gift of understanding.  Simply,  decisions I make from the leadership within me, come from knowing how to Watch, how to Wait and how to Work with Wonder.

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law."  Psalm 119:18